From Overwhelmed to Empowered: Learning to Lead Your Inner World
What if the key to emotional regulation, relationship repair, and personal freedom wasn’t “fixing” yourself… but simply learning to notice what is happening inside you?
So many of us move through life reacting, tightening, defending, withdrawing, escalating, without realizing what is actually happening in our inner world. We feel overwhelmed, hijacked, or helpless. And when we don’t understand what’s happening, our nervous system fills in the blanks.
That’s where the power of Notice and Name comes in.
This is a core principle in relationship coaching through SMM Coaching & Consulting and is also deeply aligned with the therapy work Maren offers through Revealing Life. Whether you are strengthening your marriage, navigating leadership stress, or healing anxiety patterns, this skill is foundational.
Step One: Notice What Is Actually Happening
Simply notice any sensations, tension, or feelings you encounter—physical or emotional—without judgment. Acknowledging these sensations is the first step; if you notice discomfort, you can consciously send a gentle, calming breath to that area, allowing for a subtle release of any held tension. The mind, body and immune system are the ecosystems of our wellbeing.
The emotion
The body sensation
The “protector” or wounded part showing up
The story your mind is creating
This is harder than it sounds.
Many of us don’t feel “anxious” — we feel nauseous. We don’t feel “sad” — we feel irritated. We don’t feel “hurt” — we feel angry. Dr. Brené Brown talks about the concept of the “Shitty First Draft” — the quick, fear-based narrative our mind writes when something feels uncertain or threatening. It sounds like:
“They don’t care about me.”
“I’m going to fail.”
“I’m not safe.”
“I’m not enough.”
Our nervous system detects a threat before our thinking brain has time to evaluate reality. The amygdala activates, stress hormones are released, and suddenly, we are reacting instead of responding.
If we don’t notice this process, we believe the first draft.
A Personal Story: Learning to Notice Anxiety
For years, when I (Maren) traveled abroad, something strange would happen.
I would be on the airplane.
Or walking down a cobblestone street.
Or sitting in a restaurant.
Suddenly:
My heart would race.
A wave of nausea would hit.
My chest would tighten.
And then the panic thoughts would begin:
“Where is the nearest bathroom?”
“How will I get back to the Airbnb?”
“What if I vomit in public?”
“What if I pass out in the middle of this street?”
The physical sensations triggered fear. The fear amplified the sensations. And the cycle escalated. For years, I thought I was suddenly becoming ill. It took time — and intentional practice — to realize what was happening. It was anxiety. On a recent trip, we stepped outside our Airbnb and the same surge hit: racing heart, nausea, tightness. But this time I paused.
I noticed:
My body felt activated.
My breathing was shallow.
My thoughts were moving fast.
And then I named it: “This is anxiety.” I said out loud to my family, “I’m feeling anxious.” Instead of retreating inside, I chose to walk. I breathed fresh air. I reminded myself:
“I am healthy.”
“I am safe.”
“Anxiety will pass.”
It did. Within 5–10 minutes, my nervous system settled. And instead of losing the day to fear, I was present and engaged. Nothing about the environment changed. What changed was my ability to notice and name.
Why Naming Changes the Brain
This is not just inspirational — it’s neurological. Research from UCLA (Lieberman et al., 2007) demonstrated that affect labeling — simply naming an emotion — reduces amygdala activation and increases activity in the prefrontal cortex.
In other words:
Emotional intensity decreases.
Higher-order thinking increases.
You regain agency.
Dr. Daniel Siegel calls this: “Name it to tame it.”
Additional research in emotional regulation shows that individuals who can accurately identify and label their emotions demonstrate:
Lower stress reactivity
Improved interpersonal functioning
Greater resilience
Reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression
When we name what we are experiencing, we move from being hijacked to being reflective. From helpless to empowered.
Notice and Name in Relationships
The notice and naming process applies far beyond anxiety and is applicable in relationships as well.
Imagine saying:
“My nervous system feels activated in this environment.”
“I’m noticing sadness coming up as we talk about this.”
“A protective part of me wants to shut down right now.”
“My mind is telling a story that I don’t matter.”
This shifts the entire dynamic. Instead of attacking or withdrawing, you are owning your experience. Instead of believing the first draft, you are investigating it.
And when couples practice this together, something powerful happens:
Safety increases.
Defensiveness decreases.
Connection deepens.
From Overwhelm to Agency
When we don’t notice:
We escalate.
We numb.
We blame.
We avoid.
When we notice and name:
We pause.
We regulate.
We choose.
We connect.
The goal is not to eliminate emotion. The goal is to build self-mastery. The nervous system will activate. Stories will arise. Old beliefs will whisper.
But you can learn to say:
“This is anxiety.”
“This is grief.”
“This is a protective part.”
“This is my Shitty First Draft.”
And in that naming, you step back into your higher thinking brain. You reclaim choice.
How This Fits Coaching and Therapy
At Revealing Life, therapy allows deeper exploration:
Where did this fear begin?
What beliefs were formed?
What wounded parts need care?
How can your nervous system experience safety?
Coaching strengthens relational skills and forward movement. Therapy supports healing and integration. Both build the same core capacity: awareness. Learn more about the difference between coaching and therapy.
Try This Today
Next time you feel overwhelmed:
Pause.
Notice your body.
Identify the emotion (be specific).
Ask: What story is my mind telling?
Say it out loud if you can.
Then breathe.
Let your nervous system settle.
Remind yourself:
Emotions are temporary.
You are safe.
You have agency.
Ready to Build This Skill?
If this resonates, we would love to walk with you.
Book a Discovery Call
Relationship coaching through SMM Coaching & Consulting
Individual therapy with Maren at Revealing Life
A FREE 30-minute discovery call helps you explore what support fits best.
Download Our Free Guide
From Reactivity to Regulation: The 5-Step Notice & Name Framework.
This free PDF walks you through:
Emotional identification tools
Nervous system regulation practices
How to challenge your first draft stories
Conversation starters for couples
